What can I do if I suspect or find that my child is using alcohol or other drugs?

What are the signs of drug use?

What can I do if I find out my teenager is using alcohol or other drugs?

How do I know if my child has a "drug problem"?

Getting support for yourself

What are the signs of drug use?

There are no specific physical signs or personality changes that can indicate with any certainty that someone is using drugs. Behaviour that is uncharacteristic of a person may indicate drug use, but could also indicate an issue that is not drug-related.

Signs that may require your attention, regardless of whether drug use is involved, include:

• mood swings or explosive outbursts
• staying out late or not coming home
• frequent absences from work or school, or declining work or school performance
• unexplained need for money, or disappearing money and valuables
• decrease in extra-curricular activities, withdrawing socially, and minimal interaction with family
• sudden or noticeable change in friends
• tiredness or changes in sleeping patterns
• changes in eating patterns
• impaired memory and poor concentration
• blood-shot or glassy eyes
• lethargy and loss of motivation
• deterioration of physical appearance and grooming.

If you suspect, or are worried, that your child may be using drugs, talk to them about it. They may not want to talk about it right away, but they are more likely to talk to you if they feel that you will listen.

Resist the temptation to search their room for evidence as this is likely to do more harm than good. Your child will know that you don't trust them, and their trust in you may be damaged as a result.

What can I do if I find out my child is using alcohol or other drugs?

If you discover your child is using alcohol or other drugs, try not to panic or overreact. It is natural to feel concerned, but becoming angry or over anxious will not help.

It is really important to remain calm. Don't threaten them as this may alienate them.The following strategies might be helpful.

Maintain open and honest communication

There is no easy way to start talking about alcohol and other drugs, but one of the most important steps in bringing about change is to acknowledge what is going on, and to explain how you feel. Be aware that your approach now may affect future communication between you and your child. By being open and honest you may encourage them to be the same with you.

• Choose an appropriate time to talk with no distractions.
• Try to remain calm and logical, stick to the point that you wish to convey. Refuse to be drawn into an argument.
• Be clear and honest about your feelings. Let your child know that it is not them that you don't approve of, but their behaviour.
• Use open questions to allow the your child to explore their thoughts and feelings. For example, ask for their thoughts on their drug use, what they consider to be the benefits and consequences, and whether they see any problems or potential risks, and how these could be addressed. This may provide an opportunity to give them new information about the risks of alcohol and other drug use.
• Listen carefully and actively without being judgemental. Your child is the best source of information about what is going on with them.

Be informed

Gaining as much information as you can will help you to better understand and cope with the situation. It will also help you to decide what assistance you can provide and what support to seek.

• Attempt to find out the extent to which alcohol and/or other drugs are being used. Was it a one-off occurrence or is this behaviour likely to continue? Does their use appear to be something they are unable to control?
• By educating yourself about alcohol and other drugs you will feel more confident about discussing the associated issues and it will help you maintain credibility with your child.

Learn about the effects of various drugs.

Investigate what support services are available.

Support and encourage positive behaviour

Supporting and encouraging positive behaviour can be more effective than focusing on negative behaviours.

• Negotiate what behaviour is acceptable and what is not.
• Encourage your child to develop supportive networks and to look for positive environments.
• Congratulate them when they achieve their goals. If they slip up, look on it as a temporary setback and encourage them to keep going.

What can I do if my teenager comes home affected by alcohol or other drugs?

It is best to put off any discussion until a later time when your child is sober. Choose a place and time without interruptions. Listen to their story, and find out the facts.

Plan your response with your partner or a trusted friend. Try and negotiate without overpowering your child. It is important that you do not blame or accuse your child.

If you feel inadequate in dealing with the situation seek professional advice from your doctor or an alcohol and other drug service, they can give you information about services and programs in your area.

Read a scenario about dealing with a teenager affected by alcohol.

How do I know if my child has a "drug problem"?

Problem alcohol or other drug use is not just a matter of what type of drug a person is using or how much of a drug a person uses, but how their drug use is affecting their life and the lives of those around them.

Problem drug use can mean different things to different people. What you perceive as a problem may not be viewed the same way by others, including the person who is using drugs. In some cases the person using the drugs may not be aware of any problem and may be resistant to change.

Another issue to consider is dependency. People who regularly use some types of drugs may become dependent on them. If a person is dependent on a drug they may have trouble cutting down their use and may experience symptoms of withdrawal when trying to cut down. It is impossible to say how long or how often a person must use a drug before they start to become dependent.

Most young people who use alcohol or other drugs will not develop a dependency and will stop using of their own accord. However, some people have great difficulty cutting down or stopping their alcohol or other drug use and this may have a negative effect on their health and lifestyle.

Getting support for yourself

Being the parent of a child with an alcohol or other drug problem is difficult and can be emotionally draining. There are no simple solutions. However, your support will be extremely valuable even if your child does not recognise it, or does not wish to address their drug use at this time.

There is no one factor that causes someone to use drugs. Perfect parenting, even if it were possible, in no way guarantees young people won’t use drugs. However, parents typically feel shame, embarrassment, anger and/or fear. Be sure to seek support from your partner, family members and friends. Arranging support for yourself is very important for your own wellbeing. The support you get can also help you clarify the issues and decide on your approach.

If you suspect that your teenager is experiencing problems with alcohol or other drug use, you should talk to your doctor or alcohol and other drug service for advice on support for your teenager, yourself and your family.

Get the fact sheet. Teenagers and illegal drugs: a quick guide for parents

Get help and support>

Return to Parents page>

Last  updated: 13 April 2012